Meaninglessness

Sometimes I'm surprised that the meaningness of life is not pondered by the general populace of the earth on a more daily basis.   Or maybe it is, as an undercurrent.  What I mean is the general lack of any sort of connecting theme or meaning in life.  We're all out there for our experience.  Yet the ego doesn't allow us to ponder it in a real way because we're always trying to stay focused on our little goals to make it happen.  Little successes and little failures, that's all we concern ourselves with.  Our nations, our jobs, our whatever.  Most people are too busy to look at the big picture.  

But well, it's grim if you do.  We're all here and we're all getting old, getting our satisfaction any way that we can.  There's a wall there of the limits of what we can all feel and perceive and most of us take it for granted.  Then there's those of us who see the wall, know what's beyond and resent it.  Using booze or drugs or anything that can make us feel like the wall has windows.  We who can go to that edge become the artists.  Whether through substances or not.

We're in Belgrade, which is a good edge for me always.  Where I can explore myself vis-a-vis infinity.  

I saw my friend Nikola play a show yesterday drunk on 2L of wine.  It was epic. Then at the end of the night police started raiding the club and he started to sing drunken insults at them. Amazing! These things can go two ways.  The drunken singer can be your portal into another world so profound and slippery in a meaningful way, or he can be an example of too far gone.  I've been on both sides.  A girl in Poland was so inspired by one of the drunken ecstatic episodes of worldly savages that she got a tattoo of a peacock.  This frightens me and intruiges me.  I don't have any tattoos.  For me they seem like a frivilous and overly commital way of trying to cling to meaning in life in a permanent way.  Meaning for me is fleeting and thus it just doesn't work.  I want to be able to change, put on different masks and not railroad myself into any one moment or mode of being.  Yet the experiences I have as a singer are always tattooed on my soul.  I can change the costume and move on any time however.

It's a long road ahead.  Gotta keep booking shows.  Gotta keep pushing it and oh yes, writing songs.

The music is my only escape from meaningless.  Oh yes, i have worked different jobs, but they left me totally half empty.  Music is the one that leaves me energized and willing to deal with the mess of humanity.

-Erik Mut

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